my phone needs a breathalizer
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
