this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i think i just lost a toe
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