He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
