meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Its about making memories worth repressing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
