I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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