I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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