I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
