she looked like the before picture.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
