Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
