saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He passed out mid-signature
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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