the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
