sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
