Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
