sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
