Someone shit on the floor
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need moral support for this bender
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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