I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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