In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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