ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
