if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize