I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
