I should be sponsored by Trojan
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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