i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
