i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
