how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
