u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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