Your face is a jimmy john
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
