I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
