i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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