Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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