so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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