my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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