That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
