one two three fourrrrnication!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
