so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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