ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
