I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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