my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
