im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
