im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
