i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
