she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
