There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
