she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
