so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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