I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
be right there i have to get my cape
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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