apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we're making bets on your personal life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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