just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
