Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I bet he comes in French.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
