Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize