so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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