i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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