Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
