He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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