Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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