If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
