If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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