i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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