It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
