I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize