Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
