He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
