thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize