Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
