why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
