Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
