He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
