im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
