update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
