I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
