Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
